


Bone Tissue

by burymeinziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:07:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeinziam/pseuds/burymeinziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He just needs to leave because he can’t stand another second in this place. It’s suffocating him. Zayn can’t watch him smile, can’t watch Liam’s arms slide around her waist, watch him kiss her hair as if he actually cares.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bone Tissue

It’s that sick taste of spearmint gum that worms into his mouth as he breaths. It’s in the way that he watches him die beneath her arms when he makes the mistake of forgetting to knock before opening the door to their hotel room. He hates himself for watching, for never gathering up the nerve to actually voice his feelings; to tell that stupid, sordid boy exactly how much he means. Meant.

Whatever. 

All that matters is that he’s gone now and there’s nothing Zayn can do about it. All that matters is that Zayn is losing the contents of his stomach, spilling his guts into a shiny, porcelain bowl while Liam is smiling and laughing and feeling on top of the goddamned world because he just got married.

Zayn is only bone tissue; lying.

He just gave himself up to a life of nothing; a life of death and black and bitterness. The stomach bile is bitter in his mouth and her mouth is bitter on Liam’s tongue and his eyes are trained on Zayn as he slices that fucking wedding cake and all Zayn can think about is how much he needs to leave this place, leave the city; the country.

Zayn is only bone tissue; cowering.

Zayn almost trips on her wedding gown (that expensive goddamned wedding gown, he would tear it to pieces if he were given the chance), almost chokes on his champagne as he downs his glass. He pushes his way through the crowd sliding past strangers and ignoring the confused stares he earns from those who actually know him. He just needs to leave because he can’t stand another second in this place. It’s suffocating him. Zayn can’t watch him smile, can’t watch Liam’s arms slide around her waist, watch him kiss her hair as if he actually cares.

He hates him more than he hates himself and it all takes too much energy.

Zayn is only bone tissue; breathing.

It takes him all of ten minutes to walk to the nearest bar and he’s drowning fifteen minutes after he’s emptied his soul into an extravagant toilet bowl at an obnoxiously expensive reception hall. He’s so sick and screwed up and empty and he can’t stand the fact that Liam has the gall to touch her the way he used to touch him. Zayn is broken, torn in half and snapped like a twig; a twig with fragile bones and no heart. Liam ripped his heart straight out of his chest and he fucking smashed it. That asshole. That freak. That shitty boyfriend. That mastermind.

He’s the greatest liar he’s ever known.

Zayn is only bone tissue; dying.

In the best of circumstances Zayn could kill himself. The bar is hot and it’s suffocating him and he almost hopes it would choke him just a little harder. He pulls at the collar of his dress shirt, sweat rubbing off onto his fingers, and forces himself to breath. And then he’s laughing because he honestly doesn’t care if he drowns in a pool of his own tears and rancid sweat if it means he doesn’t wake up the next morning. But the sad thing is he’ll keep on living. He’ll pass out tonight and wake up tomorrow and smile in Liam’s stupid, beautiful face if it means that boy he hates to love gets to keep on living his dream.

Zayn is only bone tissue; giving.

These are the moments in which Zayn wishes he wasn’t such a coward. He wishes he knew how to simply pack his bags and leave. He doesn’t want the taste of spearmint gum, but the feel of the wind blowing past his face as he cruises down the highway. But he’s too weak to think of these things and Liam is too preoccupied with a beautiful girl and a high class wedding. Two can play that game though. Zayn can move on too. He can.

Zayn is only bone tissue; wishing.

He hates the fact that he can never measure up. Liam has been granted every wish and Zayn is stuck at a shitty bar earning unwanted stares from sleazy men who are way past their prime. He feels used. He fell in love, gave everything, dared to sacrifice it all and he was dumb enough to think Liam could ever feel the same. He was naïve enough to think that Liam would have the balls to tell the world exactly who he was. But Liam is only hiding. He always does.

Zayn is only bone tissue; wanting.

They kick him out because he’s a mess and send him back to the hotel in a cab. There’s a suite with two bottles of champagne where a wife and groom will consummate their filthy marriage, but Zayn doesn’t care to think too hard about it. The sick thing is that he does and he wonders if he’ll ever measure up to her; if he’ll ever be able to be exactly what Liam needs.

Zayn is only bone tissue; breaking.

His room is clean and bright and small and right next door and he can hear the noise. He can’t help but to think that Liam is doing it on purpose, but he takes the abuse because for some sick, twisted, unknown reason he needs it. But pretty soon it’s all too much and all Zayn can bring himself to do is sleep because he can’t bear another second of thinking of the way Liam’s lips crash into hers. 

Zayn is only bone tissue; wasting.


End file.
